Saturday, 9 April 2011

Mumma's the wor(l)d...

I entered my house only to find my mother ‘DEAD’. Her body all pale & lips purple, lying lifeless yet she looked like the most beautiful woman of the world!!! My sister who was sitting next to her was completely unaware of the tragedy that had befallen us. I was just 12 & the site of her dead body left me shunned. At that tender age it was a very heavy shock for me & my heart pained to see my own mother dead!!
At first we thought that she is unconscious but later on the doctor confirmed that she had long back left for her heavenly abode. In no time my house was filled with innumerable people, despite the crowd there prevailed an uncanny silence that gave me a very eerie feeling& made me stand all alone in the crowd. Everybody was mourning over her body but none suffered the loss I had.
I hadn’t even entered my teens & I had become a child without a mother. I hadn’t even properly realized what a mother is & suddenly I was left with none!! I desperately wanted to cry but my tears were not ready to roll down. I felt weak & extremely fragile. It was as if a wound of mine was left open. I kept the pain inside myself & surrounded myself with impassable bars. At the back of my mind I was amidst a tiff with GOD, I couldn’t believe all that was happening in front of my eyes. In some far flung corner I could see my dad sitting helplessly staring at her, his grim face showed the amount of pain that he held back!! It was a loss of a lifetime.
The other night, I dreamt of my mother feeding & asking me to be well behaved while she was away. Next morning it was time to bid my mother her final ‘GUD BYE’. As I saw her body being taken away I couldn’t take in the fact that it was the last time I would be seeing her. I ran behind her, I called her but she never looked back. Even before I could realize, she had gone, leaving us alone in pain & agony!! I felt as if a very important part of mine had been cut off from me & to top it up I could do nothing except for waiting for time to heal the wound. It was a feeling I still can’t express in mere words. Even if I put together all the words of this world, it would still be insufficient to describe what I was going through!!!
Today wherever my mother is I just want to tell her that I still love u a lot & today whatever I am is all because of u. if 7 years back you hadn’t left me, your daughter would still be the shy & coy self she was instead of being the bold & outspoken one she turned out to be after your departure. Someone has well said, “Whatever happens happens for good!!”