Thursday, 2 June 2011

Es un Nuevo Comienzo

On night suddenly I woke up at 3 & saw a lady sleeping next to me. At first I was shocked as I thought her to be a ghost but then I realized that she was someone in real flesh & blood. I hurried to my dad’s room & woke him up. I was anxious to know who she was!!! My dad told me that she has come to take care of my mother as she was on complete bed rest due to extreme arthritis. I assumed her to be a better form of a house maid.
It was later I realized that she was more than just a care taker. Every morning I used to get up & see my mumma weeping alone, my dad wouldn’t be next to her. At that tender age it was difficult for me to understand why my dad used to go & sleep next to my mother’s care taker. I used to hate that lady because I thought her to be the reason for my mother’s added pain. I used to see my mother & the lady fight day in & day out. One chance & either of them would have devoured the other. My dad wouldn’t dare to butt in, lest that would be the last day of his life!!
The fights kept on increasing day by day; I was fed up of the chaos that took place every day. Children of my age at that time tried to escape school by making some or the other excuse but I never did so because school was the place that gave me a break from the tension that my family created. I hated the dismissal bell as it meant like a knell to me… ‘TIME TO BE BACK TO HELL’. Years passed by seeing the two of them fight.
Finally the day of my mother’s death arrived. I was shattered into pieces. I could see the lady weeping too. I assumed her tears to be the ones that belong to a crocodile!!! I had really bad memories of her with my mother, so whatever she did for me by default seemed bad. I felt all alone in my own house. No one to listen to me, my troubles & problems I had with that lady. My dad seemed to be a puppet in her hands. I felt very lonely & went far away from both of them. I never smiled when I was home. My parents wouldn’t hear my voice for days. I had become a very very different person.
Years later I realized that I had committed a grave blunder by prejudging the lady god himself had sent to my rescue. I never saw the love she always carried for me in her eyes. I never saw that she kept me covered from the big bad world, away from all harm. I never saw how much she cared for me (a lot more than my mother would ever have been capable of doing). I overlooked the fact that she never had her own child only for my sake. How could I be so mean & selfish? For almost 4 years after my mumma’s death I kept her aloof from her share of love. But as they say ‘better late than never’, today i love her more than anything in this world because she is the one who taught me the importance of looking at the world through your heart's eyes!!!
Always remember every ending gives way to a new beginning.....

Es un Nuevo Comienzo - Its a New Beginning

Saturday, 9 April 2011

Mumma's the wor(l)d...

I entered my house only to find my mother ‘DEAD’. Her body all pale & lips purple, lying lifeless yet she looked like the most beautiful woman of the world!!! My sister who was sitting next to her was completely unaware of the tragedy that had befallen us. I was just 12 & the site of her dead body left me shunned. At that tender age it was a very heavy shock for me & my heart pained to see my own mother dead!!
At first we thought that she is unconscious but later on the doctor confirmed that she had long back left for her heavenly abode. In no time my house was filled with innumerable people, despite the crowd there prevailed an uncanny silence that gave me a very eerie feeling& made me stand all alone in the crowd. Everybody was mourning over her body but none suffered the loss I had.
I hadn’t even entered my teens & I had become a child without a mother. I hadn’t even properly realized what a mother is & suddenly I was left with none!! I desperately wanted to cry but my tears were not ready to roll down. I felt weak & extremely fragile. It was as if a wound of mine was left open. I kept the pain inside myself & surrounded myself with impassable bars. At the back of my mind I was amidst a tiff with GOD, I couldn’t believe all that was happening in front of my eyes. In some far flung corner I could see my dad sitting helplessly staring at her, his grim face showed the amount of pain that he held back!! It was a loss of a lifetime.
The other night, I dreamt of my mother feeding & asking me to be well behaved while she was away. Next morning it was time to bid my mother her final ‘GUD BYE’. As I saw her body being taken away I couldn’t take in the fact that it was the last time I would be seeing her. I ran behind her, I called her but she never looked back. Even before I could realize, she had gone, leaving us alone in pain & agony!! I felt as if a very important part of mine had been cut off from me & to top it up I could do nothing except for waiting for time to heal the wound. It was a feeling I still can’t express in mere words. Even if I put together all the words of this world, it would still be insufficient to describe what I was going through!!!
Today wherever my mother is I just want to tell her that I still love u a lot & today whatever I am is all because of u. if 7 years back you hadn’t left me, your daughter would still be the shy & coy self she was instead of being the bold & outspoken one she turned out to be after your departure. Someone has well said, “Whatever happens happens for good!!”